By Christopher Lenart, a parishioner at Ss. Peter and Paul Parish, Naperville, who is posting once a month, every month, on this blog, writing about faith-related matters, To contact Christopher, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. To learn more about him, go to his website: https://www.disabilityawareness.us/
Sometimes I wonder if God really knows the struggles we face. Lately, I have been having trouble with the place where I live. This year, we have a new director,and she is nice, but it has changed in my opinion. It is like she is changing a lot, and she is trying to do the best she can.
If you have been reading my posts over the months, you know that I live on my own with personal care assistants coming in different times of the day. My aides are hired by me, and the place has their own aides who I could use if I have an emergency. Now, the director is telling me that I cannot use their aides anymore.
I have been worried about what I would do if my morning aide does not show up. When I am in bed, I cannot use my iPad to contact one of my aides. I have a button by my bed that calls the aides at the place where I live. They always came and helped me, but now they come and say that they cannot help me and walk out.
I am struggling trusting God in protecting me. In the Bible, we hear to trust Him, and He will take care of us. This is comforting to a point, but when my aide is late in the morning, my body gets tight, and I get scared. Some days, I have the same aide for the whole day. I fear that they have gotten into an accident, and they are hurt. This could happen.
How can you trust God and still be realistic? You cannot say that you will be fine if you cut off your hand. Everybody knows that you would be nuts in thinking that. Once again, how can you trust God and still be realistic?
The saints had so much trust in God, and I wonder how they mustered up the trust. Sometimes I feel so alone in this matter. A few weeks ago, I talked to the director about my concerns, and she told me that this place might not be the place for me any more. I am the same now as when I first moved here. The thing that gets me is that I own my place. So, it is not so easy if I was renting.
This is on my heart a lot, and I wanted to share it with you. Our cross does change as the time goes on. Everyone has to learn how to accept it. It is really hard — trust me, I know. We just have to believe that God is with us, although it is hard.